Archive for the ‘Humour’ Category

My Prediction of the Hugos

I am going on record with my best guess before it all comes out. This assumes no censorious SJW vast conspiracy or sudden “electrical fire” doesn’t destroy the unadulterated ballots. I don’t seriously think there is a real possibility of the voting being unfairly counted or outright faked, but… humans. You know the species. Anyway, here are my predictions: UPDATE: Chaos Horizon has the best statistical analysis of the whole Hugo mess. It’s brilliant and exposes the SJWs impartially and mercilessly, because that’s how truth works.

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Hot Crazy Matrix

So my brother sent me a video.

Because I was married to a Hairdresser. And then a Redhead.
And we’re sensitive and caring like that in my family.

Also, knowing my luck, there’s a redheaded stripper called Tiffany in my future and he wanted to warn me.

The Evil Empire of Evil

Evil Empire of Evil

 

You may know about the Evil Legion of Evil and it’s admirable assault on the forces of Political Correctness. You may in fact, even be a Vile Faceless Minion. You may even be Proud about it. And yet; there remains an unfulfilled level of pride. And as the Evil Empire of Evildoers well know, Arrogant pride in our Evilness is basically a requirement. Many Vile Faceless Minions are required. Indeed we must accept that their bodies are useful for the making of steps with which we, more arrogant, more specifically and intentionally Evil, Evildoers climb over the bastions of Social Justice Wankerism and storm the ideological walls of Cultural Marxism with relish, jumping right in the midst of their fortified keeps and slashing away with crimson lightsabers at will.

Some of us, you see, are not satisfied in being simply faceless and nameless minions. Some of us want our face and names recognised and feared throughout the Galaxy. You get better table service for one.

In order to avoid confusion, here is a schematic to show you how the Evil Empire of Evil relates to the Evil Legion of Evil as a subset. If the shape seems suggestive to your unconscious of any other vast Galactic conflicts, let that just be reassurance that we, on the side of Evil, are going about this the right way. Read more »

This guy.

I like his sense of humour. Though basically he’s just telling the truth really!

 

On Writing – (Specifically, MY Writing)

 

The Naggon - One of the attack beings of evil Grammar species

 

Anyone who has tried to actually become a professional writer knows two things:

  • It is damned hard work. It’s right up there with working in salt mines. On an asteroid. With a leaky Vacc suit and only an old roll of duct tape to help you patch the holes. And the salt is radioactive. (Non-writers will think this hyperbole. Fools.)
  • It cannot actually be done. Logically it is impossible. Grammar is imperfect, and so, perfect works, must remain continually marred by imperfect, outdated, avant-guarde, passe, cliched, too flashy, too boring or too something or other grammar. This however, is something we can live with. But punctuation, oh, sweet mercy, punctuation…well, what do you think that Naggon up there is huh? That’s right, the Naggon is punctuation.

For the elucidation of the pedants and the grammar Nazis (Hi my sweet, sweet, editor), I have decided to collect a few of my writing idiosyncrasies here, though my editor would probably refer to them as idiot-syncrasies.

A small warning: This is pretty long and also, I try to offend everyone equally so as to be fair about it. If you are a writer or an editor or anyone interested in language, grammar or punctuation in general, or if you are American, English or French, or religious or sensitive, or some damn hippie thing or other, then some part of this post is almost guaranteed to get you to bite at your keyboard rabidly whilst foaming at the mouth.

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