The sheer number of young men that I at first simply thought were rudderless, spineless, weaklings, is huge.
And perhaps many of them are. But I was also surprised by the enormous improvement and sensible life choices many of them make with only a little guidance. This post then, is like the postcard version of all you need to know to be a successful man.
And please understand that by “successful” I do not mean having great wealth or being famous or anything along those lines. Those things are incidental to the action and reality of being simply a man. In the order given below then, with mere bullet-points and little to no explanation of each of the points, except the last, here it is:
First decide what kind of man you want to be. What attributes, what values, what skills, what is important to the man you want to be and what is not. You can take inspiration from anyone or anything, from comic book characters, historical figures, or people you know, but decide who you would like to be. And try not to limit yourself. Obviously if you are 5’ 4” you aren’t going to become 6’ 4”, but aside physical axioms, you can decide how honest, how proficient at a chosen skill and so on.
Second: Work at it. From now until the day you die. If you feel at any point you have already achieved all you can in terms of who you want to be, you’re either lazy or aiming too low.
Chose your own path. Yes you will make mistakes, but everyone does, and your own are far more tolerable than having to live with the consequences that arise from making someone else’s mistakes.
Listen to everyone and ignore them all. Sounds contradicting but is really paradoxical. EVERYONE will give you free advice on EVERY aspect of your life. And most of it is bullshit. So, go ahead and ask or listen to it, but realise that in the end only YOU make the decisions in your life for everything in it, and that happens as a result of those —YOUR— decisions. No one else’s.
Respect hierarchies that deserve respect. Ignore fake one.
When it comes to women, remember that infinite topics are reduced to pithy sayings only as a result of large number statistics and generalities. And while that is true, generalities are still facts, just not every time; only most of the time. Most PUA stuff is advice given by people who think human beings are reducible to a set of mathematical variables. And who prey on the wallets of men. All you really need to know and do is simply to be a man, that is, your best self as per the advice above, and stick to your guns. Not unreasonably so, not eternally and unchangingly. Just most of the time in most of the ways.
On that last point especially, a recent conversation I had with my wife was quite endearing. I forget how we got onto the topic, I seem to recall it may have been to do with mentioning our son and life advice for the future and so on. In any case, my comment was simply along the lines that all a man needs to do is stick to his own road and way. Because women have no idea what they really want, and it changes with the weather, or the alignment of the planets and so on. So if you were to try and change your life in accordance with that, you will achieve the opposite kind of result you want and be miserable throughout it, and, so would the woman you are trying to please. That last being the key point almost all men today (and pretty much all women) get wrong, or don’t understand. She looked at me for a second or two, then smiled and kind of shyly carried on looking at me in that way she has. I always knew she was the right one. Long before she did.
And she told me a story about one of her relatives who as a young man really liked this girl, and when he told her and her other relatives about it, every one of the women present advised him to stay away from the girl, as they deemed she was trouble and up to no good and would get him in trouble too. She went on to say how this young man ignored all of them and carried on his pursuit of this girl. And now, years later they are not just married with children, but very happily so. And she said how glad she was he didn’t listen to any of their advice.
We talked about this too and two films come to mind, one is the one with Mel Gibson called What Women Want, which is where Mel gets the power to read the minds of women and in a scene, in a meeting, he reads the mind of what one of the women in the meeting is thinking, so he says exactly what she is thinking so as to get her to agree to whatever the issue was, and she immediately disagrees with him. I thought that was a brilliant aspect of the female mind well-explained.
Another, film, which we recently watched for the second time actually, as we had forgotten about it, is called About Time and is possibly one of the best films I have ever seen. So if you don’t want a spoiler, skip the next paragraph in Italic below this one.
In it, the main character wants to get with this girl and he has the power to travel back in his own timeline. He finally gets the nerve to ask the girl about being with him on the last day of her holidays with his family, and she says, it’s too late now, he should have made his move earlier. So he goes back in time and makes his move earlier and she says they should wait and he should ask her on the last day of her holidays.
Once again, a perfect exposition of how the female mind actually works. Because it has very little to do with linear logic or keeping your word, or being honest and direct. A woman may want to do all of these things, but… and there is always a but… her mood might change, her hormones may be out of balance, the Moon may be full that night and make her euphoric or morose. It’s not even that they mean to lie or be deceptive or inconsistent. A feminine woman will genuinely want to be a good girl, but will still screw this up regularly. And as long as those screw ups are within a certain realm of “passable” a man will forgive them, because from time to time, his life choices for them both will go via forest animal tracks instead of good, safe, highways, and she will forgive him those too.
The worst women, of course, will calculatingly use the fact they are a woman to put into action the very worst, nefarious schemes they planned from the start, then act the poor hormonal victim, but then, narcissists of either sex are a complete nightmare, and we are discussing here non-demonic types of human beings.
The point is that a man should first and foremost be himself. And as the ancient oracle to Delphi stated (a place I visited, by the way) the first rule for a man, is to know himself.
Know who you are. Know who you want to be. Know what you have done and are doing to get there, and what you will keep on doing until you do get there, and then improve on it, to the end of your days.
Now, a man that is himself, that knows who he is and why, and that has chosen to be as he is, consciously —not merely being the result of the hazards and parenting and trauma that invariably shapes all our lives— well, such a man will not veer his path for the mere whimsy of some woman. No matter how pretty she is, or how good in bed, or what promises she makes him. A man needs to, first and foremost, alter his path in the ocean he sails only as a result of his own choices and his own decisions.
Which is not to say he does not consider anyone else or ignores all advice or runs roughshod over the wishes and dreams and desires of his woman or other loved ones. It simply means exactly what I wrote, no more and no less. If you do veer the path for your woman in some way, let it be because YOU decided to do so. YOU calculated the risks and the losses and the gains. YOU decided this move was the best move, and YOU and only YOU will be to blame if it is the wrong move. Because to try and hold your woman to account for YOUR decisions is almost entirely nonsensical, weak, and fruitless.
Of course, YOU will be held responsible by her, for every stupid, weak, bad, decision SHE made that turned out badly. And your reminding her that if she believes the feminine imperative that women have their own agency in reality (the only actual fact of feminist theory, arguable though it is) then her mistakes are hers and hers alone, will not endear her to you (I know, it’s a shocking surprise!). Nor will explaining that if she does reject that feminine imperative, well, then, she should just go along with whatever her husband says and if and when some of his decisions turn out badly, she should be nurturingly understanding and remember all the good decisions he made for her and how the overall total (hopefully!) balances out far more in the positive than the negative.
The point is that ultimately, for all human beings, making your own choices and taking the responsibility that goes with it is your just lot in life. Few human beings live this way though, of either sex. Men generally are statistically a lot better at it than women though. And those men that live this way may have good or bad lives, but for the most part, they at least are at peace with themselves.
If you find a woman that lives this way, and she is happy with you, then marry her. It won’t mean she will not do female things in that infuriatingly chaotic female way. She will. Because she’s a woman. But if she also happens to be the type that in time or at least when faced with the cold facts, realises her own faults and admits them (at least to you and you alone) then, know you have with you an uncommon human being, and as far as women go, practically a unicorn.
And of course, it also helps if you are learned enough in mythology, to know how to guide unicorns to pleasant meadows where they might find fresh water to drink. And then they might choose to do so. While you patiently wait along the shore.
The morons reading this that will assume the usual (me big, bad, patriarchal, misogynist, chauvinist pig and woman, poor victims always and regardless, with all agency but no responsibility whatsoever) are, as I have always said, irrelevant human wreckage, so, as always, don’t just ignore them, shun them from your life, for they are a pestilence and bring nothing good to your life.
Those that are merely severely brainwashed by the modern zeitgeist (and who isn’t on some level) simply need to see, observe, learn and notice in their own lives, that women are happier when able to rely on their man to guide them both through life, with them helping and offering their perspective, but being comfortable letting him “drive” so to speak.
Of course, this is true when the man is actually a man, and not some semblance of a caricature, either being overly “dominant” or rather, arrogant, in an endeavour to cover up his lack of ability/knowledge/status/power/big dick energy/whatever.
And remember that I always make a distinction between an arrogant man (someone who says and/or thinks he can, when he actually can’t) and what in Italian is known as superbo which is a man that says he can, and he can. In short, someone who is not humble, (or at least apparently not humble at first impact or exterior appearance) but not a fake either.
The worst type of “man” is the faker who takes on the airs of a competent and self-conscious man (as in conscious of himself, not as in shy), while being an actual empty shell inside. Such men might fool a woman initially, but bring only misery. While an actually competent man, may or may not land the woman of his dreams, but pretty much any woman that is into him, would be generally happy with him if he is into her too.
But all these more detailed explanation and imaging of overall concept still boil down to basically just one thing:
Be who you choose to be, be consistent with it, and make your way in it. The rest, more or less, will follow and happen as it does and perhaps needs to. And the right woman for you will, indeed, not only follow in your path, she will help beautify it.
Life on this Earth can be very hard, and likely to get harder. Picking the right man or woman to make children with and go through it together is one of the things that makes it absolutely worthwhile. So choose carefully… but first…
Concentrated Advice for Men (and some Women)
The sheer number of young men that I at first simply thought were rudderless, spineless, weaklings, is huge.
And perhaps many of them are. But I was also surprised by the enormous improvement and sensible life choices many of them make with only a little guidance. This post then, is like the postcard version of all you need to know to be a successful man.
And please understand that by “successful” I do not mean having great wealth or being famous or anything along those lines. Those things are incidental to the action and reality of being simply a man. In the order given below then, with mere bullet-points and little to no explanation of each of the points, except the last, here it is:
On that last point especially, a recent conversation I had with my wife was quite endearing. I forget how we got onto the topic, I seem to recall it may have been to do with mentioning our son and life advice for the future and so on. In any case, my comment was simply along the lines that all a man needs to do is stick to his own road and way. Because women have no idea what they really want, and it changes with the weather, or the alignment of the planets and so on. So if you were to try and change your life in accordance with that, you will achieve the opposite kind of result you want and be miserable throughout it, and, so would the woman you are trying to please. That last being the key point almost all men today (and pretty much all women) get wrong, or don’t understand. She looked at me for a second or two, then smiled and kind of shyly carried on looking at me in that way she has. I always knew she was the right one. Long before she did.
And she told me a story about one of her relatives who as a young man really liked this girl, and when he told her and her other relatives about it, every one of the women present advised him to stay away from the girl, as they deemed she was trouble and up to no good and would get him in trouble too. She went on to say how this young man ignored all of them and carried on his pursuit of this girl. And now, years later they are not just married with children, but very happily so. And she said how glad she was he didn’t listen to any of their advice.
We talked about this too and two films come to mind, one is the one with Mel Gibson called What Women Want, which is where Mel gets the power to read the minds of women and in a scene, in a meeting, he reads the mind of what one of the women in the meeting is thinking, so he says exactly what she is thinking so as to get her to agree to whatever the issue was, and she immediately disagrees with him. I thought that was a brilliant aspect of the female mind well-explained.
Another, film, which we recently watched for the second time actually, as we had forgotten about it, is called About Time and is possibly one of the best films I have ever seen. So if you don’t want a spoiler, skip the next paragraph in Italic below this one.
In it, the main character wants to get with this girl and he has the power to travel back in his own timeline. He finally gets the nerve to ask the girl about being with him on the last day of her holidays with his family, and she says, it’s too late now, he should have made his move earlier. So he goes back in time and makes his move earlier and she says they should wait and he should ask her on the last day of her holidays.
Once again, a perfect exposition of how the female mind actually works. Because it has very little to do with linear logic or keeping your word, or being honest and direct. A woman may want to do all of these things, but… and there is always a but… her mood might change, her hormones may be out of balance, the Moon may be full that night and make her euphoric or morose. It’s not even that they mean to lie or be deceptive or inconsistent. A feminine woman will genuinely want to be a good girl, but will still screw this up regularly. And as long as those screw ups are within a certain realm of “passable” a man will forgive them, because from time to time, his life choices for them both will go via forest animal tracks instead of good, safe, highways, and she will forgive him those too.
The worst women, of course, will calculatingly use the fact they are a woman to put into action the very worst, nefarious schemes they planned from the start, then act the poor hormonal victim, but then, narcissists of either sex are a complete nightmare, and we are discussing here non-demonic types of human beings.
The point is that a man should first and foremost be himself. And as the ancient oracle to Delphi stated (a place I visited, by the way) the first rule for a man, is to know himself.
Know who you are. Know who you want to be. Know what you have done and are doing to get there, and what you will keep on doing until you do get there, and then improve on it, to the end of your days.
Now, a man that is himself, that knows who he is and why, and that has chosen to be as he is, consciously —not merely being the result of the hazards and parenting and trauma that invariably shapes all our lives— well, such a man will not veer his path for the mere whimsy of some woman. No matter how pretty she is, or how good in bed, or what promises she makes him. A man needs to, first and foremost, alter his path in the ocean he sails only as a result of his own choices and his own decisions.
Which is not to say he does not consider anyone else or ignores all advice or runs roughshod over the wishes and dreams and desires of his woman or other loved ones. It simply means exactly what I wrote, no more and no less. If you do veer the path for your woman in some way, let it be because YOU decided to do so. YOU calculated the risks and the losses and the gains. YOU decided this move was the best move, and YOU and only YOU will be to blame if it is the wrong move. Because to try and hold your woman to account for YOUR decisions is almost entirely nonsensical, weak, and fruitless.
Of course, YOU will be held responsible by her, for every stupid, weak, bad, decision SHE made that turned out badly. And your reminding her that if she believes the feminine imperative that women have their own agency in reality (the only actual fact of feminist theory, arguable though it is) then her mistakes are hers and hers alone, will not endear her to you (I know, it’s a shocking surprise!). Nor will explaining that if she does reject that feminine imperative, well, then, she should just go along with whatever her husband says and if and when some of his decisions turn out badly, she should be nurturingly understanding and remember all the good decisions he made for her and how the overall total (hopefully!) balances out far more in the positive than the negative.
The point is that ultimately, for all human beings, making your own choices and taking the responsibility that goes with it is your just lot in life. Few human beings live this way though, of either sex. Men generally are statistically a lot better at it than women though. And those men that live this way may have good or bad lives, but for the most part, they at least are at peace with themselves.
If you find a woman that lives this way, and she is happy with you, then marry her. It won’t mean she will not do female things in that infuriatingly chaotic female way. She will. Because she’s a woman. But if she also happens to be the type that in time or at least when faced with the cold facts, realises her own faults and admits them (at least to you and you alone) then, know you have with you an uncommon human being, and as far as women go, practically a unicorn.
And of course, it also helps if you are learned enough in mythology, to know how to guide unicorns to pleasant meadows where they might find fresh water to drink. And then they might choose to do so. While you patiently wait along the shore.
The morons reading this that will assume the usual (me big, bad, patriarchal, misogynist, chauvinist pig and woman, poor victims always and regardless, with all agency but no responsibility whatsoever) are, as I have always said, irrelevant human wreckage, so, as always, don’t just ignore them, shun them from your life, for they are a pestilence and bring nothing good to your life.
Those that are merely severely brainwashed by the modern zeitgeist (and who isn’t on some level) simply need to see, observe, learn and notice in their own lives, that women are happier when able to rely on their man to guide them both through life, with them helping and offering their perspective, but being comfortable letting him “drive” so to speak.
Of course, this is true when the man is actually a man, and not some semblance of a caricature, either being overly “dominant” or rather, arrogant, in an endeavour to cover up his lack of ability/knowledge/status/power/big dick energy/whatever.
And remember that I always make a distinction between an arrogant man (someone who says and/or thinks he can, when he actually can’t) and what in Italian is known as superbo which is a man that says he can, and he can. In short, someone who is not humble, (or at least apparently not humble at first impact or exterior appearance) but not a fake either.
The worst type of “man” is the faker who takes on the airs of a competent and self-conscious man (as in conscious of himself, not as in shy), while being an actual empty shell inside. Such men might fool a woman initially, but bring only misery. While an actually competent man, may or may not land the woman of his dreams, but pretty much any woman that is into him, would be generally happy with him if he is into her too.
But all these more detailed explanation and imaging of overall concept still boil down to basically just one thing:
Be who you choose to be, be consistent with it, and make your way in it. The rest, more or less, will follow and happen as it does and perhaps needs to. And the right woman for you will, indeed, not only follow in your path, she will help beautify it.
Life on this Earth can be very hard, and likely to get harder. Picking the right man or woman to make children with and go through it together is one of the things that makes it absolutely worthwhile. So choose carefully… but first…
Know yourself.
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